JUST A THOUGHT ~ AS EMAILED IN

I talk to so many parents all the time while our kids are playing and what I am finding most out most is that the parents don't care if they kids win or lose, they are most concerned that they children are listening to their coaches and learning.  Here are a few scenarios I have been emailed with, one was especially bothersome as the coach seems to be coaching with the wrong coaching theme.  I have also been reading a lot of books to review for you, and the overriding theme is about puck hogging and coaches that really don't really work with the kids.

As a parent it is so hard to sit back and watch a coach, have a child on the team, and just make sure they play them on 'D' all the time, to make sure their kid gets the most ice time.  It is frustrating to watch a 3rd tier player, jump on a first tier line, and puck hog and the kids get very disheartened. Kids start asking questions about the lines and their ice time and parents begin questioning it too.  What is worse is when in a locker room, assistant coaches are disagreeing with the post-game discussion that the head coach is having with the kids because it is anything but positive.  Kids need encouraged and while bad playing can be addressed, adding negative tones to it discourages a team that is already down.

Puck hogging does not start with the child, it comes from the parenting, and the incorrect encouragement to completely foster and hone in on the puck.  Hockey is a team sport, not a sport with any letter 'i' in it.  The team can succeed together or not at all.  This is another presiding item I am contacted about daily, this is its own whole discussion/article, however a puck hog on a team can make a team just falter because the kids feel that no matter what they each try to contribute it falls to the way side.  To the parent that screams crazily through the glass when a team is already ahead by 13 points, encouraging their kids to score again and again and seal their fate, well, I think that is already sealed, 13 points ahead in 3rd period.  To that parent(as I was asked to write about) I would say, I think that humility, humbleness and integrity should be shown at this point and why 'smear their loss in their face', this is a U10 team what is the sense.  There is really not much more to say.


See if this scenario is familiar on your team:
A coach, that has been coaching for a while, has a great group of kids, all mostly new to ice hockey, but that coach feels his son deserves the most playing time.  Initially, the lines are all tiered properly with first tier playing other first tiers and 3rd tier paired up against their mates, but suddenly, the coach moves his son from 3rd tier to first, and begins to play him on all lines, sitting your child out for 3 shifts letting your child play every 4th shift and his son playing every shift, but one?  Does this sound familiar?  Or, once the coaches son comes off each shift, he is the only one that the coach actually 'coaches'?  Or, the boy hits the ice and plays every one's position, not just his own, and gets the puck not from skill but because sharing is not what is on his first ladder of ambition, being a hot shot is? (just got this scenario emailed to me)

Do you have a team where when the coaches child takes a penalty it is always excused and excuses are made for why he took a penalty?  Have you had a coach that has their kid hit, push, shove, trip and get assessed the penalty and then try and make someone else on the team serve it because their child takes a wild temper tantrum if they have to be benched? (this one is wild.. and gutsy.. I think the person who got the penalty should serve it why is everyone having to bow down to a child's temper tantrum, you took it, you earned it, you serve it!)

Oh yes, this goes on every day, and it can get rather involved.  So the question is more what to do?  I think it is worse when the parents in the locker room directly tell the coach that their kid puck hogs and the coach just acts as if he does not hear and goes on with the devaluing of the players because they lost the game.

Does your coach come off the ice and find nice things to say to the kids even though they lost or is the coach accusatory, blameful and lets the kids know they did not do a good enough job, not searching for any daylight at the end of the tunnel?  Do the kids tell celebrate the loss with the goalie and make him feel better? I know how do you celebrate a loss?  Our one coach, a few years back, would not matter what have the kids tap the goalie, thank him and make him feel good, and then slide in what needed said about what could have been done.

I have been emailed by so many parents about all the items I stated.  I publish this as more of a ... please take note .. than an actual article, but this all happens on the ice and in the locker rooms.  If, as parents we are there to support our kids, then we need to make sure that all the kids are supported, no matter if the game was good, bad or ugly.  The coaches needed reminded as well and what suggestions could you leave for the person that sent in about the coach that always gives his kid the shifts? I will publish with some answers, but keep on sending me your emails, while I feel bad seeing all this going on, it is hockey, it is competitive and this is the reality of it.  I look forward to hearing from some of you to help others deal with this. Perhaps you can suggest how you have handled these same situations.

I am always looking forward to your feedback.

Gotta go because it's time to drop that puck at one of my children's games!




These are all emailed concerns looking for discussion.  Some of this is my opinion, and yours can differ.   'Elvis has now left the building'!